Saturday, November 23, 2019
WHAT DAD MEANT TO ME
Nancy
Reflecting over this past week and dealing with the loss of dad as we know him in the recent couple years now, I have been thinking about how much he meant to me - how incredible his role in my life was - shaping, developing and challenging me. We all have different relationships with dad but I would ask your indulgence in letting me share mine.
As a youngster, sitting in the back seat of the car, picking up boxes of chips in individual serving bags for the bar, going to the record shop to get new 45s for the jukebox, freezing in the meat cooler- I don’t even know why we went there, he would share his nuggets of wisdom:
Wanna know the answer to the question of life?
Balance, moderation he would go on to say. Not good to be on one end or the other, not good to drink a lot and also not good to never have a drink. Good to enjoy food but not eat too much.
Sugar is poison - drink water and ice tea made from tea bags.
Freedom is like toothpaste- once it’s out of the tube you can’t get it back in.
He was my first teacher of valuing all others. Dad took me to a swimming pool in fairmount park where I was the only white kid. We went everywhere - no limits- and we enjoyed the city. The Bicentennial year 1976 stands out in my mind as a year where we were more in center city than at home, welcoming people from all over the world including The Queen of England.
I often do things and think where did I get that from - DAD.
Stale bread? Let’s go feed the ducks
As I mess with my fish tanks, feeding, changing filters - yep Dad again - great hobby and destressor not requiring much work. He would say the more you mess with it, the more the fish die. Leave it alone.
As I give blood, I think where did I get this from - Dad.
Dad was incredibly organized- certain death befell you if you didn’t put the shed key back on the right hook.
We recycled before the word was invented. Why throw something away when you can use it again? We reused store bags long before reusable cloth shopping bags were made.
Only a few years ago, dad and I, when leaving the Shoprite, he picks up a piece of a pansy that had broken off from big hanging pots of the annuals. He takes it home and puts it in water to roots and I then I realized - so that’s where I got that.
You can call this cheap or frugal but I like to look at it another way. Helping my son, Charley study social studies in 6th grade, I learned that the mantra of the Native Americans is only take from the earth what you need - yep that’s it - why waste?
Separation done the right way with respect maintained- this is the mother of my child. And he always provided yet didn’t get in the way of the strong mother/daughter relationship we had.
A couple years ago he was quietly sitting outside waiting for us to go to church and he mentioned I just finished a rosary for your mother- mom had just had surgery.
Dad modeled routine. No matter what was going on in any given day- weekday, weekend, wedding, funeral, christening or other life-altering event, dad would go out for his jog, run, or bike ride. Nothing stopped him from doing that and now that makes sense to me. Not long ago, I remember calling him on my way to work about 8:30 one morning in February (temp was 32) and he said I can’t talk to you now, I’m on my bike near the beach and it’s windy. I can’t hear you and then I got CLICK!
When two bananas are left on the standing banana hook, we cut the stem of the second banana so the one left has a hook to hang. It just makes sense. My daughter, Tessa, did that just yesterday morning.
Aimee once said with the two of us together- it was like Dad in stereo.
Dad was incredibly physically strong even as recent as two weeks ago. He always had been mentally strong too until dementia took over his ability to reason. It was so difficult to see him struggle with the simplest of tasks. As time went on, Aimee and I were mourning the loss of our father who was still alive.
So today we have our children and we pass onto them these wonderful traits learned from dad. Feeding the ducks and participating in the events in the city are traditions our kids love and look forward to. Making sun tea and recycling everything possible is the way we roll. Just don’t mess too much with those fish tanks!
Aimee mentioned the other day and I recall how dad would sometimes read the paper even the obituaries and talk about how much other people did - how did they do all that in one lifetime, he would say? Look at me - I don’t do anything.
Yes, Dad, you did.
You grew us up right and taught us lessons that forever change the way we and our children view the world.
Dad was a legend - and his legacy lives on.
I love you Dad and can never thank you enough.
I miss you Dad - peace - until we meet again.
